Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I Just Need a Sandbox!!!




Sunday was a day !!

My family & I went to church ( I really don't even like that term"went to church"... aren't we The Church? ... another topic for another day perhaps!)

So, at church God had plans to not only meet me there BUT He had in mind a lesson (or two) that I needed to learn, relearn AND implement.

My heart hurt for someone VERY close to me! I was in full on PROTECT mode! (Read: bulldog with lipstick!) I felt my loved one was mistreated! Dealt with MOST unfairly. In fact, I think that BECAUSE it was a "church setting" the affront stung even more.

I wanted an explanation!

I wanted clarification!

I WANTED IT TO HAVE NOT OCCURED!

During the main assembly I did all I could to sit! I could not sing. I felt to do so would totally NOT honor God. Add to the fact that when I hear singing and I am at all "tender" of heart, I cry!!! So that is what I did! CRY! ALOT!

Afterward we , came home, instead of our usual lunching with friends.

My darling Hubby and I had some HARD heart-to-heart talks! Voices raised! MORE tears shed!

I felt ALONE! My husband & I could NOT agree! I am used to that! BUT, I wanted...no NEEDED to have him understand me,my heart. I didn't care if we disagreed, I just wanted to be understood! I wanted "my side" of things validated.

Fast forward about two hours...

Hubby & I talked ... I ask to be held, supported. I reiterated that he did NOT have to agree with, just hold me. Support me! (THAT is hard for me to do... to be so vulnerable...YES! even in front of my husband.)

Tears still came but now they were cleansing. I prayed. I quieted myself.

I felt The Spirit bringing Scripture to mind. Such as ... " don't grumble against each other, brothers,or you will be judged..." James 5:7

Also, "say only what will edify or uplift the one who hears" paraphrased

Then, I recalled when Jesus was accused. He was silent.

When He was asked what should be done with/about the woman "caught" in adultery ...

He squatted and wrote in the sand!

Whoa! and WOE! I GOT IT!!!!!!!!

I needed to do NOTHING!!

I needed to say NOTHING!

I needed to defend NOTHING!

So, you can find me... in MY sandbox!

Next time you have an urge to "SAY" ............ come join me !!!

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Hey Bridget,
No, unfortunately we aren't waiting on a child at New Day. We are in the paperwork process for our adoption and we are quite taken with a little boy at New Day. Our SW has told us that once we are logged in, she can see about trying to get his file at our agency, but we know it's a long shot. Judson is the sweetie I love to watch (along with all the others), and would love to sponsor if only we weren't saving EVERY EXTRA PENNY!!! But you never know.....who is the one who has stolen your heart?

BridgetdSmith said...

I will have to go look at Mr Judson!! Paperwork!! Isn't it just THAT??? WORK! Labor! I think it helps "birth" them in our hearts!!

I am smitten with Madeline! She just turned one in Dec. I'd bring her home IF! If Hubby would allow! IF finances were "there". If I weren't getting "OLDER". IF it weren't my time to be a GRANDmommy! Yes! I have one grandbaby... I think my season is changing...

Change is GOoD, right??

HW said...

So glad to see you over at my blog.

I'm sorry your heart was hurting. Church should be our safe place so when pain creeps into that setting, it stings so much more.

"...go to church." I agree. A friend and I have discussed this before. She always says "go to worship."

NinjaPrincess said...

Hi, Bridg! Glad to see you're blogging. I'll enjoy reading your thoughts!. I tend to learn my lessons from God in a tearful way also. Of course, then I often have to relearn them and relearn them and relearn them...

A Skin Bag for Jesus! said...

Incredible thoughts, bestest friend!!! Fantastically profound!!! They should be published!!!

I LOVE EWE!!!!
sharon

Sharon Ankerich said...

I am so excited you have started a blog. Will love reading and getting to know you better! Thanks for reminding us of the story of Jesus writing in the sand. I to remember that too!!!
Blessings!

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